Our home page reads as follows:Moderated chat group for real time kinksters focused in SouthBay. Supportive talk about BD/SM, WIITWD, newbies, chat refugees, and those seeking conversations with others that are real players in the scene.Confidentiality is NOT an “option” or a promise to be given lightly. Truth, respect, and humilty are encouraged as well.Private posts to members you do not already have a personal relationship with should not be undertaken lightly or without an on line request to write off line *first*.NO Events postings (we encourage you to ask about events lists you can subscribe to). DO feel free to add your event as a SIG line on posts of content as you participate with us in discussion.We are adults here...And the expectations that go with that should be obvious. If they are not, then you probably do not belong here, and i will endeavor to correct that situation. We are closed to those who have already violated confidences/dungeon rules/or are thespians here or elsewhere.

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In addition, there are a few other items that are of importance.If you feel that your posts are being forwarded or not held in confidentiality, contact one of the Mods ASAP.If you feel that you are being stalked or your actions reported upon or disseminated outside of any SC activity by another member, report it to the mods ASAP.The scene is the big wide world, and it has no borders or boundaries.Southern Cross (SC) does. This is SEX and kink and personal issues we share here- so we also use discrimination about who we share them with, and hope all members understand that they should do the same.CONFIDENTIALITY DOES NOT EXTEND TO ABUSE! If you get negative/dangerous/threatening/or other disturbing or spiteful contact- e-mail included- you have every right to contact us if your initial attempts to stop the offender have failed. Ignoring the first contact, blocking the sender's address in your ISP, and/or making an attempt in person to alleviate the situation fall under that catagory. We admit or deny members/attendees based on a combination of issues. If their reputation is in question, we will attempt to be as generous as possible. Attitude and discretion, however, are everything. We respect and genuflect on the old guard (read: SF/west coast gay male BDSM scene of the 50's-70's) paradigm, which is that this is a closed society and members are here because they have shown the capability to handle the adult lifestyle we have chosen. We hold an emphasis on the etiquette of the D/s lifestyle, which includes respecting that Masters have slaves and rules for them. Please feel free to ask anyone any questions at all- but respect and abide by the answers you may be given, even if they are not what you would personally choose. We believe that "my kink is OK, YOUR kink is OK, and their kink is OK" so long as children (anyone 18 or younger), live animals, and dead humans are not involved. Those are hard and fast boundaries not only for our sensibilities, but for our safety and continued existance within the larger world.Judging someone on their sexual pecadilloes, preferences, and buttons is unacceptable, as is judging on their race, sex, age, weight, height, or other factors they are inherintly endowed with.Judgements beyond that scope are not included, and are used constantly by rational people to decide whom they feel comfortable with and whom they would rather not associate. It is called "being discriminating" and does not relate in any way to a positive or negative, just personal preference.We do not follow "SSC" (safe, sane and consentual), as it is a misnomer, and was originally created not to describe our life, but to appease the vanilla world. We do follow "RAC"- Risk aware consentuality". Being risk aware includes not only the actual scene and it's implements and members or locations, but also the larger social world of kink. An example of that would be that, while we require confidentiality and will attempt to maintain it, rejecting members who we find violating that rule, the odds are that many people will repeat, copy and paste, or flat out forward items from a list and never be caught. Your job, as adults, is to know that, and remember it- never write anything that you are going to permanently and deeply regret if part or all of it should be made public. USE scene names rather than legal ones. USE blind ISP's (hotmail, etc.). If you are in a sensitive situation, create and use that name from a public computer (school, internet cafe) rather than a home line that can be traced. There is a growing pool of kink people who are unafraid and openly *out* about this, and they are not all aware of, or respectful of, the many who need to be discreet. There are a lot of great web sites on this issue, as well as on keeping identity private. Google them. Participants will be denied admittance or removed from the list if the moderators are satisfied that they have:Outed anyone in scene to others.Been convicted of child abuse/molestation.Physically abused another player nonconsentually.Deliberately violated dungeon etiquette.Are a threat to other members (the term "threat" will be weighted and discussed amongst the staff).These situations will NOT be open to public discussion. Part of being discreet, being a staff member of a group, or being in charge includes being as respectful as possible of everyone* (see quote footnote) while balancing a multitidue of viewpoints. Discretion includes not publicly referencing the failings of others (as you see them), just as much as it includes not revealing the words or deeds of others without their consent. It is felt that problems and issues should be kept as private as possible by us- even if other parties feel the need to dilineate their complaints and air grudges elsewhere.Intereacting with other kinksters is no different from the world as a whole. While we may *like* to think that there is some common thread, there is none. It is this reality that has damned more than one large group to failure, and many more to constant bickering, infighting, power struggles, and other situations that detract from WIITWD and why we are all here. We *should* be primarily here to HAVE FUN and SHARE our kink and our joys- if there is an axe to grind, this is not the place for it- or you.We are NOT a democracy, and do NOT believe that "the court of public opinion" has any sway here. Everyone has a right to feel safe, secure, respected, and to know that they are in no danger. Every leader or group owner has to make decisions based on that criteria. We are not infallable, but we have to try to be responsible to our current members FIRST and foremost. Those that do not respect that have probably self-selected themselves out of the group.We would rather remain small, comfortable, and happy than to grow if that means losing security or comfort for members. There are plenty of large (300-1,000 member) groups out there, and they serve a purpose, as we hope we do. At this time, we have a public munch in a private and controllable location (although parties and events through SC, as with the discussion list, will use discretion about members). If this approach fails to facilitate open conversations or creates an atmosphere at munches of negativity, or is in any way problematic, and the membership provides us with a consensus that this should change, we will endeavor to find a solution that benifits our regular, long time attendees. Mistakes WILL happen, and decisions WILL be made in the heat of the moment without due regard- and when they do, we also hope that everyone will forgive us our sins, allow us to apologize, and move on rather than keep score. Parties are invitation only, RSVP mandatory, with guests allowed so long as we are given 24 hour notice of guest identities and number (RSVP). RSVP's are not valid unless CONFIRMATION mail is received by YOU from SC.Parties are, at this time, held in private homes and the host ALSO has veto power over any invitee. Parties will NEVER be for profit- they will, however, include requests to help cover costs associated with them. Classes will be held at cost- some may be open to the public, but SC list members will always have seating priority with reasonable notice. "Field Trips" (wheee!) by SC will be held, announced only on the SC list. Guests are more than welcome provided they are approved in advance by staff. Policies will be put in place on a case by case basis as needed due to future situations. They will be announced on list if they affect list members. Although we WISH that no such list of items needed to be created, and HOPE that none of the above is ever needed or referred to again, the rapidly changing public scene, influx of members, and opportunities for confusion and misunderstanding are such that we felt we had to start somewhere.
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Southern Cross is a nationally recognized BDSM group that provides public access munches and classes (benefiting our local dungeon), and kinky "Field Trips", for both newbies and old-schoolers alike. We also try to give back to our community by hosting charity events (last year we raised over $5,000.00), public and private BDSM parties, offer scrumptious kinky catering, lead discussion & support groups, and assist in setting up private mentoring.

Our founders and staff each contribute their time, energy, and financial backing without compensation to the idea that public BDSM is a communal effort and we are all 'family'. We are a free group with no membership or dues. Founded Jan 2004, we enter our 5th year focused on supporting our local dungeon, running permanent collections for charity, supporting other kink groups, both locally and nationally - and continuing a great tradition of HAVING FUN!

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"You cannot control forcibly whether other people respect you, but you can control whether or not -you- behave in a fashion worthy of respect, including behaving with dignity and honor towards people who you don't believe deserve it. At the end of the day, your behavior and your own actions are the measure of your control, and people will make of them what they will."John Perchalski